I wanna passion pit in your ass
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
