Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
