just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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