I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
