Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
