everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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