I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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