Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
