My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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