Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
