So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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