I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
