So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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