I heard we made out
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
