all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
