i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
