i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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