and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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