i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
