so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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