Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
