the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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