Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
