God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
