My friends, they love my intelligence
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
