i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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