don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
