Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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