Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
