the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
