You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
