I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
