That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
