Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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