The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
