he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
