I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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