whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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