so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
