This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Randomize
