Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
