he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
