My room smells like vodka and shame
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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