Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
