I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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