I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
