Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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