The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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