OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
