I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
