mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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