too bad you live with your parents still
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
