blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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