I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
