the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
