i would punch a child for taco bell
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
