When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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