Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
