Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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