Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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