Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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