Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
