Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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