I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
