Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
