tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
