I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
