i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
