I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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