Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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