Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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