So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
