Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
