She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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